i don't know what to do

well peeps, i just mailed out my JET Program application. they will let me know late janurary and hopefully i will get an interview this time, even though i thinking of the interview makes my stomach curl as well. interviews are in feb. and they let you know in april if you will be going to japan or put on a wait list. thanks for you guys help with editing the essay and stuff. i ended up rewriting a good half of it. i wanted to put more about music into it but it seemed really out of place and the conclusion was kind of weak too.

i posted what i sent below if you wanted to see what i changed.

kelly, i'm just as much of a shut in as you are. all i do is work, stay home or go to the gym, or go to the bank and deposit my paycheck. lately been going to the gym like 5 days a week. i've been going to the cycle class. it's pretty intense and i really like it. been doing some core and resistance stuff on the days i don't do the cycle class. maybe if i was interested in cycling before i would have cycled in little 5.
i still don't get very much hours at borders, but i'm guessing that will change soon....maybe? at least the gm doesn't yell at me anymore, she has other things to worry about.
i've also been thinking about taking the postal exam to work at the post office. kind of out there, but it appeals to me. you have to score around 95-100 to really stand a chance. knowing that you are the best of the best seems pleasing to me. i know i shouldn't give up on trying to find something in japan, but i'm getting tired of doing interviews and applying. at times i feel really motivated to go back on a music track, but then i realize how behind and competitive it is for violin. now that i'm done applying to stuff for a little bit, i'm gonna intensely study japanese again.



-----------------------
Statement of Purpose

One thing that I have always taken for granted while growing up in Hawaii’s mixture of cultures was the Japanese Kiku channel. My family regularly watched the Soko ga Shiritai and Kinpachi Sensei series’ as I grew up, but it wasn’t until I was in high school that my interest piqued as I took Japanese for my language requirement and a Kimono culture class. Six years later after an exchange program with Youth For Understanding and an intensive summer language program, I want to spread my desire for globalization and international understanding by teaching English as a Second Language in Japan.

One experience that I find particularly relevant to the JET Program is my time teaching this past summer at a Japanese language immersion camp associated with Concordia Language Villages. As a counselor, I was responsible for looking after a cabin of campers, planning and run activities for a small language class twice a day, and organizing, leading and helping with daily cultural activity events in the evenings. Through this I gained experience teaching and working with children and learned that enthusiasm, repetition and patience are necessary when teaching a second language. This positive experience has further fueled my desire to participate in the JET program. I have a strong desire to work with and teach children, and to increase my knowledge of Japanese culture in areas that are unfamiliar to me while working in a new setting. By working and living in Japan, I feel that I will gain more confidence teaching and mentoring children while increasing my knowledge of Japanese language and culture. I would like to be able to bring back that knowledge and share it with the communities in the United States.

As a half Chinese and half Filipino student growing up in Hawaii, I have been raised with a mixture of American and Asian values that I feel can bring a wide range of experiences and cultures to Japanese communities. Going away from Hawaii to attend university in Indiana introduced me to Midwestern American culture. Having an Asian population of less than three percent and less than a dozen and a half students from Hawaii on my university campus, I felt compelled to share my experiences and cultural background with the campus through the various multi-cultural organizations. Through A.S.I.A Club (Association of Students Interested in Asia), I planned several opportunities for the university campus to experience cuisines of various Asian cultures, and noted holiday celebrations such as the Chinese Moon Festival and the Lunar New Year. I also performed Yosakoi dances twice a year with Japanese international students at the International Student Association’s International Bazaar, helping to share Japanese culture with the campus.

Also being classically trained in music on the violin, I would hope to bring along that interest and share it with my students and their community. During my undergraduate studies I was never able to tie my musical studies and East Asian studies together even though music is also a universal language. I now see that music is also a way of sharing a connection between different countries and cultures. I would want to show that it doesn’t matter about our differences. East or West, Caucasian or Asian, male or female, United States or Japan, we all can be linked.

As English remains a dominant language in business and international relations, teaching English to Japanese students will ensure that Japan will able to continue communicating with the world and strengthen our mutual bonds. I know that I can help to provide a link in connecting two languages and two countries, but also as a global citizen, mentoring the Japanese youth in a larger pursuit of international understanding.

it's getting late

i didn't take a nap today. i started lessons and had to get a shot, so I didn't really have time for a nap plus I thought I would sleep too late and be late for lessons. Shockingly, I have not fallen asleep yet. We will see if I make it through this post.

First, perhaps the creator should post on this blog.

Second, sorry to hear about the job Patrice. I am sure it's a bummer. I maintain what I told you via email, you should send out more apps to increase your odds. I mean, of course you're still probs gonna get your heart set on a job and still be disapointed ( i still have no clue how to spell that word) but I feel like that's a pretty good use of your time or something, yaknow? I have just restarted my job hunt post election. So far I feel good about it. But we will see. ONce I start getting rejected for jobs which supposedly require a high school diploma only, i will feel worse.

oh election. 3 days a week, minimum, working my butt off. Every Single One of my candidates lost. They lost cuz they had Ds next to their names, and people in Nalbany are pissed about death panels. Color me depressed.

Kelly, I'm surprised you would decide to be a shut in. I hate it. I'm so lonely and live off phone calls with Cait. But I guess if you're game, go for it. Glad you like gamba, it sounds fun. Taught four students today, and ped did pretty much nothing to help me. I think I overwhelmed them. And also they were all clearly TERRIFIED of me and had no idea i was just as scared to fuck up with them. I think it went okay though.

That's my life. Keep on chugging, I guess.

remember remember!

so it is almost the 5th of november so my blog entry is aptly titled.

i'm blogging mainly because patrice assigned it to me as homework and seeing as i don't do any of my homework for grad school, i guess i can do this. speaking of gradschool:

there are parts of ccm that are really hard and there are parts that aren't. the hard parts are all the viola parts, like my lessons and all my viola classes and stuff. we're supposed to practice minimum 5 hours a day so that is quite an adjustment from dpu. also an adjustment from dpu is the fact that apparently i didn't play any rep of significance, so my first lesson with masao kawasaki was a bit of a clusterfuck--so mr. kawasaki is like one of our two main teachers (dr. carroll is the main one) and he teaches at ccm and juilliard. but he looked at my rep list and was like...this is all you've done in four years? really? you went to undergrad? and i was like...ouuuch..but i sorta expected it since you know, i left dpu without playing walton...or bartok..or hoffmeister..or jc bach...you get the idea. so that kinda sucked, but then i had good lessons with dr. carroll from then on. it's weird because we have a different lesson time with a different teacher each week, so you really have to be on your game cause you might have a lesson on friday and then have to turn around and have one on monday (which sucks). i'm taking an orchestra excerpt class for viola (an undergrad class since we didn't have one at dpu) and a bowing class for viola and viola da gamba, which is really badass. i wanna take it the whole time i'm here but i can't next quarter cause of class conflicts and also it sucks to carry it around.

my academic class (yeah, just one history class) is super easy--it's like the same level as balensuela's sophomore class. people who come here from like juilliard and eastman and stuff flunk out of ccm because they think the academic classes are too hard...so i will say that dpu over prepared me academically.

my string quartet is pretty cool--it's me and three international asian students so that was weird at first because none of them wanted to talk and were like depending on me for a lot of decision-making, but now it's all good. our coach's dad is castle grubb (the music professor who worked at depauw for like ever) so he knew what depauw was which is pretty cool. i like him a lot.

my social life is pretty non-existent, mainly because of me. i basically just sit at home in my apartment and watch hulu and don't talk to anyone. i have friends here from blue lake but they're all brass players and i never see them. the viola studio here is 39 people so it's really hard to be tight like we were at dpu, but everyone is really nice. my closest friend is probably blake, i met him when we auditioned on the same day. he came over for drinks last night and it was really fun. i go to dpu on the weekends to see patrick or he comes here...he came for the two weekends of his fall break and we went to the zoo! it was awesome because they have manatees and so he was like in heaven, it was so cute to see him so happy. he's doing pretty well at depauw though, even though he doesn't wanna be there. oh well. he's thinking about auditioning for orchestral conducting here in 2 years, so we'll see if that happens.

i work in the admissions office and it's awesome--the best part is the applicant personal statements that we get from international students who clearly have like typed it in their native language and then put it through like a free translator. so funny. i work with some very unique people but they are fun and they add variety and humor to my days here. my boss went to school with OGS. anyway, this is way too long and not very interesting but i wanted to get an A on my hw patrice!!

i love and miss you all. now look at this cute dog!!!
http://slightlywarped.com/crapfactory/curiosities/2009/heartpuppy.htm

I'm going to the gym

So to keep you all informed, just found out today that Amity is not going to hire me. I knew they weren't. Why do they always say stuff like we had a lot of qualified people apply and it was a really tough decision. Clearly I wasn't qualified if you didn't hire me. Anyway, their loss. I'm currently applying to the JET Program again (what Charlie and Ingrid are doing in Japan right now). I've been emailing one of my Japanese and sounds like I have a good chance for JET this year( points for language and culture background, teaching experience. Hopefully. I'm trying to not be negative about this, but maybe I'm not cut out for it. I already had interviews with EPIK (The Korea JET Program) and Amity. Both of them didn't want me. ahhh. whatever.

Well yesterday I went to 24hr fitness and got gym membership. I had this free 7 day trial, and then they suckered me into getting a membership saying that it was the last day of their no initiation fees stuff. then they suckered me into getting personal training sessions because I was saying by not paying the initiation fees. So I've been trying to cancel the training sessions and then the guy is like just try it out. You have a 30day guarantee if I complete the sessions and if your not happy then I can get a refund. They are just trying to get my fucking money. But we'll see if these sessions are worth it. I'm not getting suckered into anymore after that.
This is what I'm gonna look like.

Gah. Back to square 1 again.

Fudge says purr

Hey. I hate life. HATE. Sorry to hear your interview experiences went so shittily patricey! That blows, I'm sorry. I don't know if you should totally write off teaching in Japan because of one bad interview! It's just one, you can learn from it. I am glad that Borders is getting better though! That's progress at least. My job is getting way more annoying. The band loser i HATE at work went to florida (where everyone he knows is) after getting fired from his other job, selling his car w/o buying a new one, and breaking up with his girlfriend. I was hoping he just wouldn't come back. But he did!!!! I am upset about this. There are many more complaints I won't list. I keep seeing people I know and having to explain that yes I did go to college and yes this is where I work now. I hate it. It makes me feel like shit. And then I came home to find out that the super painful gyno procedure I was forced to get 2 months ago is now gonna cost me almost a hundred and fifty bucks. WTF? And Cait's moving away. Suckfest.
Oh well. At least it's almost election time. It will be fun when Shane Gibson wins.

LA Interview with Amity

Sup All,

I'll post about my weekend in LA. Oh man.

Friday 15th: Flight left Honolulu at 6:40am. That was really early.....got into LA around 3:30PMish. Got the free shuttle to the hotel and got settled there. I walked around the area and to the interview building so that I knew where it was. Worked out at the hotel gym and went to bed early.

Saturday 16th: Well I didn't sleep that well because I was nervous. Went to Starbucks and had a banana and coffee. The doors opened at 8am and the Info session was going to start at 8:30, if you are late you weren't allowed to enter. So, I was running a little late because I was having a hard time getting into the building. I had to walk around to get to another entrance. I finally get in and I was telling the security personal what suite I needed to go to, and he said that 2 other people had come just before me asking to go to the same place, but no one was up there. So that office building/complex is closed on the weekends. I was thinking wtf! there is no way that this company is not legit. I was freaking out. So I went back to the hotel because there wasn't anything that I could do there. I kept calling and calling the office. Finally I got in-touch with someone at 12:30pm after they had finished the group interview. I told her what happened, I had confirmed my attendance at the beginning of September. They had actually changed the location because they couldn't fit everyone in the office. And I wasn't notified of the change. Apparently they didn't respond to my confirmation, and then the lady I was talking goes, this is unacceptable, you should have responded back after not hearing from us for a month. Geezes fucking christ lady, how was I supposed to know I was supposed to receive another confirmation. It kind of was my fault, but really bad on their part as well. So she was like, can you come back in December.... ummmm...NO...I came all the way from HAWAII! So she put me on hold, and they let me come in the next day at 9am.
So I chilled at the hotel, she said I was allowed to change my lesson plan for one child, but I really couldn't have.
I didn't sleep well again that night, and I didn't really have an appetite.

Sunday 17th: So went to the 9am interview. Another guy who had showed up to the wrong place as well was there. He didn't even confirm, so I don't even know why they let him in. We had an info session, they basically explained a lot of stuff. Expectations, a video with some teaching demos, what the company is like. I took notes which was really useful because in later in the personal interview she asked me some stuff and I was allowed to use my notes.
We had to do the 5min. teaching demo. I thought it went alright considering there was only one child and it was supposed to be a game for at least 3 kids. After this we took an English test. There was spelling part, fill in the blanks and circling wrong tenses in a sentence. The spelling part was actually really hard for me. My spelling is really bad. But I guess I did alright on the other parts.
So they invited me to the personal interview right after. I waited for like 15mins in the lobby.
At the personal interview we talked about my lesson plan. They were kind of disappointed and it was of low standards.....They told me that I should use more gestures, less wordy words that are unnecessary, being a little more excited, and actually teach. Then they made me do a 10min teaching lesson, they had flashcards prepared and a photo. The vocab cards included words like paper, tape, string, ribbon, glue, paint. The sentence/question grammar that I was supposed to teach was : He/she has some ____. / What does he/she have ____? I had to plan a 30min lesson plan and teach 10mins of it.
So I used gestures for each vocab. I went over the vocab. Somehow during the lesson, I would say the word and then the child (the interviewer) would say the exact same thing. So we went through the cards a few times and the picture, point to things. I was supposed to some how differentiate the difference between He and She as well. Anyway, the 10min lesson just got worse and worse. I don't know why but I even added I and You; I have paper. Yeah....hott mess.
So after the 10mins we discussed how that teaching demo went. She was pissed that I added stuff, and then I realized that I was using the wrong sentence pattern too. I was using He/She has ____, but it was supposed to be He/She has some ____. And then I got kind of lectured why I have to stick to the lesson and not change things, because they also have take home worksheets and stuff, and if I don't teach the correct pattern then they won't know how to do the work. OMG this lady was so fucking bitchy.
She asked lots of questions. What I would do in certain scenarios, etc. I was so nervous....and taking a while to give my answers. I probably didn't really express very clearly what I was trying to say either....but hopefully I said some good stuff that will offset my teaching demo failures.
Its going to take a few weeks for them to respond. Its going to be really hard to say. I will be really surprised it if they hire me, and I can see them not hiring me as well. The whole interview makes me feel really discouraged now. I thought I would like that company because it was specifically for children and stuff, but they seem so rigid. Ah.
So I'm kind of bummed that it went very poorly. It kind of made me want to go back to Borders. Borders is getting a lot better. The GM doesn't yell at me that much anymore. She was off for a week too, so maybe that's why things were starting to feel better. But yeah, I thought I had a lot of pressure from Borders, I feel like I'd be getting even more pressure at this company. Idk. We'll see what happens.

So after I went back to the hotel; the interviews finished around 1:30. I was going to try to meet up with Nick, but actually his dad was in town too. I was surprised because he didn't tell me till then. Had a late lunch and bought one of those JOOSE drinks. That stuff tasted terrible. But after drinking half of it was pretty drunk/sloppy. Then Nick texts me asking if I wanted to go to dinner with them. Like omg....I'm fucking drunk already...and awkward....
Anyway they picked me up, I sobered up, and we went to a Japanese restaurant for dinner. That was actually the first time I'd like ever talked to his dad. It wasn't that bad and some of the convo was interesting. Went back to the hotel and Nick stated for a few hours. Don't worry, nothing happened. We just watched TV and youtube videos on my laptop. Now that I'm reflecting on this though....I somewhat felt really at ease when I was with him. Kind of felt like I could forget the world. After Nick left I drank the rest of that JOOSE, bad idea. That shit made me hung over and nauseous. NEVER AGAIN will I drink that shit. I was planing to go to the gym but I couldn't.

Monday, flew back to Honolulu. I work tomorrow at 7am.
Not sure how I feel about wanting to teach in Japan anymore. I always thought I wanted to work in Japan, but this interview process like is really turning me off. Maybe its just this company though. I really liked working/teaching the kids at that Japanese camp in Minnesota, but this seems completely different. Starting to wonder if I should go back and try to pursue music any further or figure out what else I can do.

life as i know it

Sorry to hear about the evilness of your gm patricey. my gm is super nice! She doesn't come in that often though. But she was in today. She just comes in to check on us and see if we do it right, so it is intimidating when she's around. And my regular managers are pretty cool too. Don't let her get to you patrice! Just tell yourself it is not a permanent job. If you need to, set a time frame to be out of there so you can count down.
My bday was about a week ago and it was a suck fest. I spent too much time crying. I was so lonely! Lindsay took me out to lunch Saturday, so tht was cool, but I like saved texts cuz i expected my phone to explode. WRONGO. Tiffy called, cait called when I was asleep that night (the dr. had surgery that wknd) and my bro txted. So i was mostly just sad faced. My mom was m, of course, super sweet. But I missed my friends and I'm used to getting some love on my bday. But I did get a bday card and earrings from Jules a week late and cards from cait and tiffy late, so I shouldn't have felt sad so quickly. But every person that forgot me made me sad :( In happier times, cait came to celebrate with me this last weekend! We went out and got free make overs at sephora and went out and it was so fun! It'd been like a month since we had gotten to visit last, so hip hip hooray.
I wish I had some cheese to eat.
My trio played our first wedding together Saturday, and that was pretty fun. We have another one Sunday and that's something to look forward too. Actually, the bride, groom and bride's HOT brother flew out of louisville on sunday. Saw the groom and i was all "did you get married yesterday? I think i played at it..." but the highlight ws totes the hot brother, he recognized ME! I think tht means he's in love.
Funny story. Tiffers and Cait I think both lredy know it, but whatever. So I'm working circa five am. and this HOT australian sex pot is buying some coffee and a danish or something, keeps calling me love. He's wearing a university of connecticut sweatshirt. Chandler" You went to UCONN?" "Nah my girlfriend does" (insert sound of my heart breaking) Chandler"Oh. It's a good school, at least sports wise." hottie "I dunno about tht, but it's definitely a good school in the bedroom" Me ":-o" Chandler" Thanks have a good day!" Chandler didn't hear. He was in shock and all "you should be offended!" I probs wouldve been if he wasnt hot and australian, lol.
Everyone else should write updates now too.